To love ourselves

Our greatest challenge here on earth is to learn how to love who we are, completely and without reserve. Although this sounds like a simple task, most of us struggle even to get close to this in our lifetime.

There are many reasons that we have trouble loving who we are. It may be from our upbringing, our genetics, or our religious background. In addition, our society can see loving ourselves as an ego trip.

If we came from a controlling and loveless family, then our model was already skewed. With Mum and Dad feeding into our grid that we were unworthy of love; our little child came to believe it. Genetically, we might have inherited our parents’ beliefs that we are not good enough to deserve love. Just as hair color and traits are inherited, so are basic thought processes and behavior.

Another trigger for not traveling down the self-love trail can be religion. Countless religions paint self-love as vanity, and any form of ego is frowned upon. As a babe, we may be taught that we are full of evil and sin, which are counter to our view of self-love. It was as if we were so bad that no one, not even God, could love us. This self-perpetuating “bad me” message ran counter to our understanding of love.

Perfection is a common aim in our society; however, seeking perfection is a negative pursuit because no one knows what perfection is, let alone how to achieve it. All of us are lovable, despite our flaws and imperfections. Sadly, imperfection is always criticized in this world. Somehow, we are brought up to think that until and unless we are the best, or more perfect, we are undeserving of love. Therefore, being a lovable being is not an outcome for us. Perhaps later when we are better individuals love will come our way.

Acceptance of self is a wiser and more attainable goal than seeking perfection. Like love, acceptance is a form of self-love. When we accept ourselves and others, love flows freely. Love of this quality is a constructive emotion.

Loving ourselves is a tricky and consuming journey. There are countless people who don’t love themselves and who believe that to do so is wrong. Wrong because religion and upbringing teach us that we are less than we are. The truth is that we are more than we are; we are more loving, more beautiful, more intelligent, and more intuitive. The list goes on.

To contemplate self-love requires us to honor ourselves and strive to rewrite the bad things we have said to ourselves, and have been told by others. The process will be challenging, especially for some because of their background and personality.

When I began this work, I honestly had little or no self-love. I could see the beauty and greatness in everyone but myself. So strong was the brainwashing, that the barriers to disassembling old beliefs and reinstating self-love seemed insurmountable. It was like going against everything from my past.

In spite of this, the decision to love myself was such a strong drive that I chose to wholeheartedly make it happen. If you are on the same path, be aware that this change will not occur overnight.

Initially, the choice to love yourself is all you need. Then given time, you can start the new life of self-love.